You Can Bet On That..
Two unemployed guys are talking. One says, "I'm going to become a lion tamer." The other replies, "That's crazy, you don't know nothing about no lion taming."

"Yes I do!"

"Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what you gonna do?"

"I'll take that big chair they all carry, and I'll stick it in his face until he backs down."

"Well, what if the lion takes that big paw, and hooks the chair with them big claws, and throws that chair out of the cage? What do you do then?"

"I'll take that whip they all carry, and I'll whip him and whip him until he backs down."

"Well, what if that lion bites that whip with his big teeth, and bites it in two? What you gonna do then?"

"I'll take that gun they all carry, and shoot him."

"Well, what if that gun doesn't work? What will you do then?"

"I'll pick up some of the sh*t that's on the bottom of the cage, and I throw it in his eyes, and I run out of the cage."

"Well, what if there ain't no sh*t in the bottom of the cage? What you gonna do then?"

"You ain't thinkin' none to clear - cause if that lion comes at me, and he throws the chair out of the cage, and he bites the whip in two, and my gun don't work, there's going to be some sh*t on the bottom of that cage. You can bet on that!"

Once upon a time there was an Indian rowing team

India and Japan agreed to do an annual rowing race. Each team should contain 8 men.

Both teams worked really hard to get in a best shape. The day the race started, both teams were in same condition. Although Japanese won by 1 mile.

After several detailed analysis, the team found out that the Japanese had 7 rowers and only one captain.

Ofcourse, Indian team had 7 captains but only one rower.

The mood in the Indian team was really close to the freezing point. The top management decided to win the race next year. So they established a team of analysts to observe the situation and to recommend an appropriate solution.

After several months, the consultants came up with the conclusion that there were too many captains and too few rowers in the Indian team. A solution was proposed based on this analysis: The structure of Indian team has to be changed.

Facing such a critical scenario, the management showed an unexpected wisdom: They hired a consulting company to restructure the Indian team

As of today there will be only 4 captains in the team lead by 2 managers, one top manager and one rower. Besides that they suggested to improve the rower’s working environment and to give him higher competencies.

Next year Japanese won by 2 miles.

The Indian team immediately displaced the rower from the team based on his unsatisfactory performance.

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Most of the successful people I've known are the ones who do more listening than talking.

- Bernard Baruch

Originally Posted by Daienkyochi

I have a feeling that's been photoshopped

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Originally Posted by Oxymoron

I have a feeling that's been photoshopped

http://www.und.nodak.edu/instruct/we...binoculars.pdf

The binoculars, it seems, have their lens caps on, and our esteemed presidentclearly doesn’t notice. He just happily looks through the eyepieces, oblivious to the darkness.

The picture is obviously a photo-op gone awry.
Bush wasn’t really looking; he was posing, so actually being able to see was irrelevant.

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Most of the successful people I've known are the ones who do more listening than talking.

- Bernard Baruch

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are shown a pasture with a herd of sheep, and told to put them inside the smallest possible amount of fence. The engineer is first. He herds the sheep into a circle and then puts the fence around them, declaring "a circle will use the least fence for a given area, so this is the best solution." The physicist is next. She creates a circular fence of infinite radius around the sheep, and then draws the fence tight around the herd, declaring, "This will give the smallest circular fence around the herd." The mathematician is last. After giving the problem a little thought, he puts a small fence around himself and then declares,"I define myself to be on the outside."

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www.ejeweller.in

Scary Story. Weak hearts please dont read.

This happened about a month ago near Lonavala.

A guy was driving from Mumbai to Pune and decided not to take the new expressway as he wants to see the scenery. The inevitable happens and when he reaches the ghats his car breaks down - he's stranded miles from nowhere.
Having no choice he starts walking on the side of the road, hoping to get a lift to the nearest town. It's dark and raining. And pretty soon he's wet and shivering.

The night rolls on and no car goes by, the rain is so heavy he can hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he sees a car coming towards him. It slows and then stops next to him - without thinking the guy opens the door and jumps in.

Seated in the back, he leans forward to thank the person who had
saved him - when he realizes there is nobody behind the wheel!!!

Even though there's no one in the front seat and no sound of any
engine, the car starts moving slowly. The guy looks at the road ahead and
sees a curve coming.
Scared almost to death he starts to pray, begging the Lord for his
life. He hasn't come out of shock, when just before he hits the curve, a
hand appears through the window and moves the wheel!
The car makes the curve safely and continues on the road to the
next bend. The guy, now paralyzed in terror, watches how the hand appears
every time they are before a curve and moves the steering wheel just enough
to get the car around each bend.
Finally, the guy sees lights ahead. Gathering his courage he wrenches open the door of the silent, slowly moving car, scrambles out and runs as hard as he can towards the lights. It's a small town.

He stumbles into a dhaba, and asks for a drink, and breaks down.
Then he starts talking about the horrible experience he's just been
through. There is dead silence in the dhaba when he stops talking .....

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....and that's when Santa and Banta Singh walk into the dhaba.
Santa points and says, look Banta -
that's d weird guy who got into our car when we were pushing it.!

Ek bar Ramphal ek bus me jave tha, samhi ek suthri(beautiful) si chhori khadi thee, ek suited booted aadmi uski barabar ke lida,(barabar se nikla) uska panv ladki ke panv pe pad gya, wo blolya :Sorry, Ladki boli, koi baat naa. Ramphal ne sochi yo kasuta sang sai(ye kya natak hai), wo bhi uske barabar ke likda arr jaan ke panv pe panv dhar diya, chhori ne gusse me dekhya.
Ramphal ; Sorry
Chhori : Kya sorry, badtameej, arr ek karara thappad mar diya.
Ramphal : Kyun meri spelling galat thee ke

एक बार एक बाबा प्रवचन देन लाग रया था एक भाई सब नै अच्हा काम कर्ना चहिए ताकि मरे पाछे लोग तुम्हने अछी ढालान याद करें, न्यू कह के उसने तीन आदमी स्टेज पै बुलाये और एक एक ते बुझया बताओ भाई जब तम मर जाओगे और अर्थी पर होगे तो अपने सम्बंधियाँ के मुंह ते अपने बारे में के सुनना चाहोगे.

पहला आदमी : मै चाहूँगा के सब कहवें के मै एक महान डॉक्टर अर्र एक अछा फॅमिली man था
दूसरा आदमी : मै चाहूँगा के सब कहेवें के मै एक अछा पति तथा एक अछा teacher था जिसने बच्चों का जीवन सवारा.
तीसरा नंबर रामफल का था, उसते बही यो इ सवाल बुझ्या

रामफल :"मै चाहूँगा के सब कहवें के....... अररर देखो रै लोगों यो हिल्लेन लाग रया.....!!!!!"