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Old 10-03-2009, 06:19 PM
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chatty Jokes & Funnies

Comeon guys, the main thread missing so everyone joking all around the forum

Bring them on

ofcourse Santa & Banta has to start so here is:

SANTA:Express kitne baje ka he?
railway reception:1baje
SANTA:local?
RR:9baje
SANTA:malgadi?
RR:12baje
RR:kahan jana hai?
SANTAye....Patari Cros Karni hai!

SANTAA:- I tried ur Number So many Times,It Always said "SWITCHED OFF"..!!
BANTAA:- No No Yaar..... It's My New HELLO TUNE !!!


SANTAA : Why has the Govt. fixed voting age 18yrs & marriage age 21yrs?

BANTAA:Govt. ko pata hai ke desh sambhalna aasan hai...lekin BIWI ? nahi..!

how abt ambani's in diaper business?
the ad will b like....
"AB KAR LO SUSU CHADDI MEIN .......

PAPA ka sapna,Har langot me DIAPER apna....

SANTAA falls in luv with a nurse & decides 2 e-mail a message.... "I LUV U SISTER'........

Whats The Diff Between Gandhi,Musharaf & Lalu?
Gandhi-Didnt Knw Whats Lie.......
Musharraf Doesnt Know Whats Truth &
Lalu Doesnt Knw The Difference...........

how SANTAA'S wife communicated all these years..

year 1:jannu........................
yr2:OG.
yr3:Sunte Ho?
yr4:O bunty k papa..
Yr5:Kahan mar gaye?!
Yr6:Aap aate ho k me aau !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SANTAA kabar ke paas baitha tha.......
TRAVELER:sardarji....darr nahi lagta?
SANTAAarne ki kya baat hai,andar garmi lag rahi thi ..thodi der bahar aa gaya.............

Munnabhai: Are circuit...1 bakara Talaab me Gir gaya... ab wo sala kaise bahar aayegaa re ?
Circut: Bhai... Geela Hoker....!
Tension nahi Lene kaa...!!

Law Professor: Which is the most important LAW of Finance for Starting a New Business?
SANTAA: Father-in-Law!

SANTAA:what is td diffrence between a landline & mobile?
BANTAA:Landline ka number hum ungli se dial karte hain aur mobile ka anguthe se.......!!!!!

Race dekhte huye SANTAA ne BANTAA se pucha ...
OYE BATAA....inam kisko milega?
BANTAA: Sabse aage wale ko!
SANTAA: SAALE PAAJI....piche wale kyun bhag rahe hai?

Santaa: kal Jo Shampoo Liya Tha ...Usaka Free Gift do!!
Dukandar:Us Pe Free Gift Nahi Hai.....
SANTAA:Pagal Samjha Hai?
Us Pe to Likha Hai dandruf free.........!

SANTAA: I am not rich like BANTAA, I don't even have a luxury car like BANTAA. But I really love you!
Girlfriend: I luv you too, but ....tel me more abt BANTAA...

SANTAA & his wife in a bank.........
suddenly....day light robbery........
intruder 2 one employe: did u see me?
employe:y....es....
intruder:THAIN......(employe dead)
2 SANTAA.....did u see me:
SANTAA: NO NO...but my wife surely saw u....

WIFE:aaj party kyun de rahe ho?
SANTAA:kal meri scooter kho gayi.....
WIFE: TO PARTY KYON....?
SANTAA:bhagwan ka shukar hai k mein uspe nahi baitha tha varna m bhi kho jata......

SANTAAye bantaa ,Can A Person's Name & Surname b Same?
BANTAA:Ya................If Lara Dutta marries Brian Lara ....She Bcome's Lara_Lara!!!!

SANTAA riding bicycle....hits a man.....
MAN: ghanti nahi mar sakte the ?
SANTAAangry) oye puttar.....puri cycle mar di.....ab ghanti alag se maru
kya?,/*-$#

1 raat 1 chor SANTAA k ghar me ghus gaya aur Puchne laga ....'SONA KAHA HAI'?
SANTAA:ullu da putter....! sara ghar khali pada hai ....kahinpe bhi SOJA....!


British:Y u Indians r indiffernt colors?
look v r all white!
SANTAA:horses r in difrnt colors, bt donkeys r all d same!
PROUD 2b INDIAN !!!

Taxi Driver - petrol khatm ho gaya hai....Gadi aage nahi ja sakti.
SANTAA-KOI BAAT NAHI,reverse lelo, vapas ghar chalenge.......
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Деньги решают все и Булл дерьмо прогулки

Last edited by Czar; 13-03-2009 at 06:05 PM.
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Old 10-03-2009, 06:29 PM
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Originally Posted by Czar View Post
Comeon guys, the main thread missing so everyone joking all around the forum
Bring them on
British:Y u Indians r indiffernt colors?
look v r all white!
SANTAA:horses r in difrnt colors, bt donkeys r all d same!
PROUD 2b INDIAN !!!

nice thread

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Old 10-03-2009, 07:05 PM
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Originally Posted by Czar View Post
Comeon guys, the main thread missing so everyone joking all around the forum

Bring them on

ofcourse Santa & Banta has to start so here is:

SANTA:Express kitne baje ka he?
railway reception:1baje
SANTA:local?
RR:9baje
SANTA:malgadi?
RR:12baje
RR:kahan jana hai?
SANTAye....Patari Cros Karni hai!

SANTAA:- I tried ur Number So many Times,It Always said "SWITCHED OFF"..!!
BANTAA:- No No Yaar..... It's My New HELLO TUNE !!!


SANTAA : Why has the Govt. fixed voting age 18yrs & marriage age 21yrs?

BANTAA:Govt. ko pata hai ke desh sambhalna aasan hai...lekin BIWI ? nahi..!

how abt ambani's in diaper business?
the ad will b like....
"AB KAR LO SUSU CHADDI MEIN .......

PAPA ka sapna,Har langot me DIAPER apna....

SANTAA falls in luv with a nurse & decides 2 e-mail a message.... "I LUV U SISTER'........

Whats The Diff Between Gandhi,Musharaf & Lalu?
Gandhi-Didnt Knw Whats Lie.......
Musharraf Doesnt Know Whats Truth &
Lalu Doesnt Knw The Difference...........

how SANTAA'S wife communicated all these years..

year 1:jannu........................
yr2:OG.
yr3:Sunte Ho?
yr4:O bunty k papa..
Yr5:Kahan mar gaye?!
Yr6:Aap aate ho k me aau !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SANTAA kabar ke paas baitha tha.......
TRAVELER:sardarji....darr nahi lagta?
SANTAAarne ki kya baat hai,andar garmi lag rahi thi ..thodi der bahar aa gaya.............

Munnabhai: Are circuit...1 bakara Talaab me Gir gaya... ab wo sala kaise bahar aayegaa re ?
Circut: Bhai... Geela Hoker....!
Tension nahi Lene kaa...!!

Law Professor: Which is the most important LAW of Finance for Starting a New Business?
SANTAA: Father-in-Law!

SANTAA:what is td diffrence between a landline & mobile?
BANTAA:Landline ka number hum ungli se dial karte hain aur mobile ka anguthe se.......!!!!!

Race dekhte huye SANTAA ne BANTAA se pucha ...
OYE BATAA....inam kisko milega?
BANTAA: Sabse aage wale ko!
SANTAA: SAALE PAAJI....piche wale kyun bhag rahe hai?

Santaa: kal Jo Shampoo Liya Tha ...Usaka Free Gift do!!
Dukandar:Us Pe Free Gift Nahi Hai.....
SANTAA:Pagal Samjha Hai?
Us Pe to Likha Hai dandruf free.........!

SANTAA: I am not rich like BANTAA, I don't even have a luxury car like BANTAA. But I really love you!
Girlfriend: I luv you too, but ....tel me more abt BANTAA...

SANTAA & his wife in a bank.........
suddenly....day light robbery........
intruder 2 one employe: did u see me?
employe:y....es....
intruder:THAIN......(employe dead)
2 SANTAA.....did u see me:
SANTAA: NO NO...but my wife surely saw u....

WIFE:aaj party kyun de rahe ho?
SANTAA:kal meri scooter kho gayi.....
WIFE: TO PARTY KYON....?
SANTAA:bhagwan ka shukar hai k mein uspe nahi baitha tha varna m bhi kho jata......

SANTAAye bantaa ,Can A Person's Name & Surname b Same?
BANTAA:Ya................If Lara Dutta marries Brian Lara ....She Bcome's Lara_Lara!!!!

SANTAA riding bicycle....hits a man.....
MAN: ghanti nahi mar sakte the ?
SANTAAangry) oye puttar.....puri cycle mar di.....ab ghanti alag se maru
kya?,/*-$#

1 raat 1 chor SANTAA k ghar me ghus gaya aur Puchne laga ....'SONA KAHA HAI'?
SANTAA:ullu da putter....! sara ghar khali pada hai ....kahinpe bhi SOJA....!


British:Y u Indians r indiffernt colors?
look v r all white!
SANTAA:horses r in difrnt colors, bt donkeys r all d same!
PROUD 2b INDIAN !!!

Taxi Driver - petrol khatm ho gaya hai....Gadi aage nahi ja sakti.
SANTAA-KOI BAAT NAHI,reverse lelo, vapas ghar chalenge.......

This Santa thing was missing.
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Old 11-03-2009, 12:26 AM
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Collected 'Funny' Trading Book Names

Trading in the Twilight Zone
How I made $20 in the Stock Market
Stock Market Blizzards
Probably High Trading
Technical Analysis of Stock Traps
How to Make Money in Stockings
A Random Hock Down Wall Street
Trading is for Dummies
Options, Pricing, and Futility
To Kill a Martingale
"Getting Finished in Options" , the Last Edition
Options as a Tragic Investment
Trading for a Survival
Come into my Trading Trunk
Technical Analysis of the Fickle Markets
How to make a fortune selling books about the Stock Markets
Fraud Like a Hedge Fund
Lucky Market Lizards
Reminiscences of a Commission Generator
Trading for a bankruptcy filling
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Old 11-03-2009, 01:59 AM
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lolzzzz ...when will those books publish ? dont tell me some funny dates like 32 of march :bounce:
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Old 11-03-2009, 07:42 AM
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Paddy Scotsman, Paddy Englishman and Paddy Irishman were discussing the infidelity of their wives. "I think my wife is having an affair with an electrician", said Paddy Irishman, "because I found an electrician's toolbox under her bed last night." "I think my wife is having an affair with a plumber", said Paddy Scotsman, "because last night I found a plunger under her bed". "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse", said Paddy Englishman, "because last night I found a jockey under her bed."
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Old 11-03-2009, 10:59 PM
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A guy dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes first to the German hell and asks "What do they do here?" He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day." The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on.

He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell. Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a very long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed he asks "What do they do here?" He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?

"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil was a Satyam software engg, so he swipes the card, comes in, cheks his mails and then goes to the cafeteria..."
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Old 12-03-2009, 12:18 AM
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CORPORATE LESSON 1


A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says "I'll give you 800 dollars to drop that towel that you have on. After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her 800 dollars and leaves.

Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower "Who was that?"

"It was Bob the next door neighbour" she replies. Great, the husband says, "Did he say anything about the 800 dollars he owes me?"


Moral Of The Story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk in time with your stakeholders, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.



CORPORATE LESSON 2

A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road, he stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember psalm 129?"

The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand, however he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg.

Further on while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, "Father, remember psalm 129?"
Once again the priest apologized. "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."

Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up psalm 129.

It Said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."



Moral Of The Story: Always be well informed in your job, or you might miss a great opportunity!



CORPORATE LESSON 3



Usually the staff of the company play football.

The middle level managers are more interested in Tennis.

The top management usually has a preference for Golf.

Moral Of The Story: As you go up the corporate ladder, the balls reduce in size. Another good lesson!!

CORPORATE LESSON 4


A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.

The Genie says, I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one.

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk.

"I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."

*Poof!*She's gone.

In astonishment "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina-coladas and the love of my life."

*Poof!* He's gone.

"OK, you're up" the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says "I want those two back in the office after lunch."


Moral Of The Story: always let your boss have the first say.
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Old 12-03-2009, 08:08 AM
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Old 12-03-2009, 06:18 PM
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Originally Posted by Czar View Post
A guy dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes first to the German hell and asks "What do they do here?" He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day." The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on.

He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell. Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a very long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed he asks "What do they do here?" He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?

"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil was a Satyam software engg, so he swipes the card, comes in, cheks his mails and then goes to the cafeteria..."

Laughed wholeheartedly.
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